2005-05-18 - 10:18 a.m.

She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she�ll tell you she�s an orphan
After you meet her family
Counting Crows -- She Talks with Angels

Decision has been made. I am flying to El Paso.

I had made my goodbyes to my Mother six years ago, when she ended up in a coma with nicotine poisoning. Four to five packs a day will do that to you.

The effects of nicotine poisoning are similar to carbon dioxide poisoning. Your body just shuts down completely.

She has been depending on an oxygen tank since, and her lungs have only 30% of their capacity. Her heart has been affected, she has diabetes, high blood pressure, and other assorted ailments. Plus she has been bent on self-destruction all her life, which doesn't help at all.

It was very hard to see her deteriorate and witness her her process of self-destruction, so I decided I would not.

I have kept in touch with her for all these years, though. But hearing about it was not much better.

If it was up to her, she would have continued smoking herself to death, except that my Dad made sure that she could not get to cigarrettes. And since she is housebound she had no choice but to quit.

But it was too late. Her body has finally given up.

Two days ago, her femur gave in and fractured without even a fall. She's now in intensive care and bleeding internally, maybe for the last time.

And for one last time, I will say goodbye.

Again.

-- B

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